Undulations of an Undergraduate
by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I've been for North Edwards selected,
I've roomed in a cupboard in Blair
In Witherspoon dark and dejected,
I've slept without sunshine or air.
My janitress kept me from study,
And awfully long-winded she were,
Her mouth didn't shut so I overcut,
And I learned about college from her.
A senior who came from our city
And practically lived for the glass,
Would tell me in epigrams witty
The way to be big in my class.
He took me to hatters and tailors
And coached me on how to look slim;
He taught me to drink but forbade me to think,
And I learned about college from him.
A girl that I met at the seashore
And took for a summer-day sail
Told stories of brothers at Princeton
Of friends and fiancees at Yale.
She knew all the men who played hockey,
She knew when the promenades were,
She thought me a bore till I asked her to four,
And I learned about college from her.
The dean, since my marks were pathetic,
Had sent me a summons to call,
He greeted me, apologetic,
And smiled, “This is social, that's all.”
He said if I chanced to the city
I might be remembering him
To Babbie Larove at the Cocoanut Grove,
And I learned about college from him.

Published in The Princeton Tiger magazine (March 17, 1917).

Not illustrated.