The Princeton Tiger humor
by F. Scott Fitzgerald


There was once a second group student who lived in Holder. He thought that solitude would give him a first group. So he moved to Patton, where he lent an unwilling ear to the following:

1:30-2:30 p.m.—Shrill soprano shrieks of soccer team.

2:30-3:30 p.m.—Session of the gun club.

3:30-4:30 p.m.—Interclass baseball game on Brokaw.

(Continous cheering.)

4:30-5:30 p.m.—Engines puffing up and down for their afternoon esefcise.

7:00-8:00 p.m.—Mandolin or banjo in Brokaw,

8:00-9:00 p.m.—Triangle pactice in Casino.

***

The next day the student moved back to Holder.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXV (December 1914), 5.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks; earliest identifiable Tiger contribution.

 

HOW THEY HEAD THE CHAPTERS

A. Detective Story.

Chapter I.—The Affair at Brownwill.

Chap. II.—In The Dark.

Chap. III.—The Hound Hits The Trail.

Chap. IV.—A Ray Of Light.

Chap. V.—Fresh Developments.

Chap. VI.—Gone!

Chap. VII.—Caught!

Chap. VIII.—Old Jacques Speaks.

Chap. IX.—Solved!

B. Chobert Rambers Story.

Chap. I.—Auction Bridge.

Chap. II.—At Seabreeze.

Chap. III.—The Shooting Party.

Chap. IV.—A Kiss In The Dark.

Chap. V.—A Gentleman’s Gentleman.

Chap. VI.—Rector’s.

Chap. VII.—Champagne.

Chap. VIII.—Anns And The Man.

C. Any Best Seller.

Chap. I.—Third Avenue.

Chap. II.—Fifth Avenue.

Chap. III.—The Big Man With The Lame Head And The Little Girl With The Lame Back.

Chap. IV.—A New Start.

Chap. V.—Contentment.

Chap. VI—The Operation.

Chap. VII.—”Guardian, I Can Walk.”

Chap. VIII.—The Little Girl And The Big House.

Chap. IX.—”The Greatest Of These Is Charity.”

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVI (September 1915), 10.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

A Litany of Slang.

From “Knockouts”—                    Great Von Hindenburg deliver us.

From “dopeless” people—             Great Von, etc.

From “sardines”—                        Great Von, etc.

From “trick” things—                   Great Von, etc.

From “trick” people—                   Great Von, etc.

From “I’ll say”—                          Great Von, etc.

From lads who “have it”—            Great Von, etc.

From lads who “lack it”—             Great Von, etc.

From “nice fellow you are”—         Great Von, etc.

From “Hotstuff”—                       Great Von, etc.

From “Persian Petters”—              Great Von, etc.

From all last years’ slang—             Great Von Hindenburg do deliver us if you get time.

Amen.

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

“Triangle Scenery by Bakst.”

Princetonian,

We are glad to see that this scene designer has broken his fifty-thousand-dollar contract with the Russian Ballet. The Triangle Club must be prospering. Next year’s score by Claude DeBussy?

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Futuristic Impressions of the Editorial Boards.

The Prince—A merry-go-round game of “who read the proof?” with solid gold-filled radicalism every morning before breakfast.

The Lit—Half a dozen men who agree, at the price of appearing in print, to listen to each other’s manuscript.

The Pic—The tall man with the black box who gets in front of the umpire all through May.

The Tiger—A lot of lo—yes, sir; all right, sir, a collection of artists and side-splitting humorists.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

“A glass of beer kills him.”

New York Sun.

brought forth “Ex Princetoniensi non erat”

from the Yale Record.

Right again. Probably some one threw it at an Eli.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

“When you find a man doing a little more than his duty, you find that kind of patriotism not found in Blair or Campbell.”—Oliver Wendell Holmes.

We were under the impression that Mr. Holmes went to Harvard, but he evidently roomed in North Edwards.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Things That Never Change! Number 3333.

“Oh, you fr-shm-n, where shall we go. Let’s go to J—’s. I want to get a sm-ll check c-shed. We g-t g—d M-j-st-c s-ndw-tches there.”

The Tiger’s reward for the most complete solution will be a m-j-st-c s-ndw-tch at J—’s.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (December 18, 1916), 7.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Boy Kills Self Rather Than Pet.

New York Journal.

Nice fellow!!

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (February 3, 1917), 12.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Things That Never Change. No. 3982.

Is it   hot/cold  enough for you?

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (February 3, 1917), 12.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

McCaulay Mission—Water Street.

Service at five. Drunkards especially invited.

—N.Y. Sun.

If we send a delegation to Northfield, we should certainly be repre­sented here.

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII(March 17, 1917), 10.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Yale’s swimming team will take its maiden plunge to-night.

New York Sun.

How perfectly darling!

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (April 28, 1917), 8.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

“These rifles * * * will probably not be used for shooting, although they are of a powerful type capable of before commencing actual firing reaching a distance of two miles”

The Daily Princetonian.

Some rifles! Lord help Germany!

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (April 28, 1917), 8.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

“It is assumed that the absence of submarines from the Pacific will not necessitate American naval activities in that ocean.”

New York Evening Post.

Will it not not?

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVII (April 28, 1917), 8.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.

 

Intercollegiate Petting-Cues.

2. “You really don’t look comfortable there.”

 

The Princeton Tiger, XXVIII (November 10, 1917), 8.
Unsigned, attributed on the basis of clipping in the Fitzgerald's scrapbooks.


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